I love the Christmas mass text...(sense the tone)

Good morning!

After several days of rain, I'm glad to report that the sun is out, and shining, and all is well in southern California again! Thank God.

With Christmas rapidly approaching, I find myself feeling lots of things. Joy, excitement, warm fuzzies, etc. There is, however, one thing I know will come this Christmas, and I am NOT excited about it. You know it, I know it: The Mass "Merry Christmas" Text. It comes every year, and is certainly not limited to Christmas, but sadly, it rears its ugly head every major holiday.

You know whats funny to me about the mass holiday text? I'm fairly certain EVERYONE hates it. So my question is, who is still sending it and why!? (You know who you are, don't look away) There is no benefit to the text. It is not personal, thoughtful, or original. It's just annoying. Furthermore, just because I mention that the holiday text is not personal, thoughtful, or original, does not mean that I want a holiday text that is any of those things. It's ok to just let Christmas be the day that Jesus was born, and came to save us from our sins (between you and me, I think that's enough). It doesn't have to be the day you gave your meditations on "the joys of Christmas", or the day you flooded my inbox with your "insights" on Christs incarnation, or the day you just wanted to say "I hope you have an awesome Christmas full of joy and cheer". Its implied people. Its implied. I don't think if you spare the world from this ever-so-irritating text anyone will think: "Dude, I didn't get a mass text from ANYONE wishing me a Merry Christmas, why does everyone want me to have a miserable Christmas full of sadness...WHY?!?!?!". That isn't going to happen. People assume that everyone wants everyone to have a great Christmas (unless otherwise informed). In fact, I think if you do spare us all, just the opposite will happen. People will actually be able to enjoy their holiday without the following:

• Checking their phone every 4 seconds to delete said texts.
• Having to send the awkward "Thanks! Sorry, got a new phone, who is this?" text (they're always lying, you're just not saved)
• Scrolling through 4 texts sent by one person because their text was so unnecessarily long that the simple "Merry Christmas" turned into Archangel Gabriel's entire dialogue with The Virgin Mary

Trust me, if you don't send the text no one will be sad, hurt, offended, or feel forgotten. On the contrary - everyone will be thrilled that they'll actually not have to worry about their stupid phones, and be able to spend some good quality time with their family. Seriously, just consider it, or leave me off. Thanks!

Really? NOW you're not around???

Gooooood morning! I hope everyone is having a great Wednesday!

Today's blog is about something that happens all too often. Actually, every blog is about something that happens all too often...but today's REALLY gets under my skin. It has to do with cell phones. I know most people have issues with people constantly being on their phones, texting while driving, talking while out to dinner, etc. I get it, that's annoying...but you know what else is annoying??? People who are completely and totally unaware of their phones.

Has it ever happened to you (I know it has) when you were texting someone and you realized "I don't know why I'm texting paragraphs and paragraphs about this when we could just talk..." So then, after having texted someone for a good hour...you decide to pick up the phone and call. And then...NO ANSWER. WHAT IS THAT ABOUT. You and I were just texting back and forth, without pause, for the last 40 minutes, and NOW you're suddenly unavailable??? Where did you go? Are you suddenly underground??? (With the exception of new yorkers and the subway). Did you fall off the planet??? Did you suddenly lose your phone??? NO, YOU'RE JUST A MORON.

Or when someone calls you, you miss it because, I duno, you were in the bathroom. You call them back IMMEDIATELY, and no answer. Seriously? You JUST called me. It happens all the time! And you get the same annoying response every time "OH, my phone was on silent" Well you know what MORON, don't leave your phone on silent. If you call someone, its because you want/need to speak with them. If you call someone, you should be expecting a call back. Does this mean that you check your phone every 3 seconds, or leave your phone in front of your face everywhere you go? NO, but it does mean you don't leave your phone on SILENT after having tried to get in touch with someone. Stop being so friggen careless, and unaware, so the person you're trying to reach doesn't have the urge to rip your face off when you do finally answer your phone (although its highly unlikely that you'll answer anyway). The above actions literally send me into rage. RAGE. Nothing is more frustrating than knowing someone isn't getting back to you simply because they're lolly gagging, and doing nothing important. Get your head out of - the clouds...THE CLOUDS (please decipher that code) and get on the ball!

Also, Michael Ashamalla - I love you.

Get over yourself, PLEASE.

Dude, what is up with all the sensitive people in the world??? Im talking about being made fun of. With the exception of like your face - and things you cant change (lazy eye, wooden leg, etc.) WHAT IS EVERYONES PROBLEM. We all get made fun of all the time. I think I understand a little bit, that whole concept of "Behind every joke, there is truth." Yes, thats totally true. So when someone makes fun of you, or your lame personality...yeah, I'm sure a small part of that joke has truth in it. And you know what determines just how lame you are??? Your reaction. I bet, if someone said you were obnoxious (and it was true, and it probably is) and you didnt get all, well, obnxious about it - the person in front of you would think you were exponentially less obnoxious and maybe even a little bit cooler.

It's like people get all sensitive at the truth behind the joke. Why? If you someones calling you a skank, its probably because you're skanky, if someones calling you dumb, its probably because you're a little bit dumb, if someones calling you a lesbian...well, that happens to me all the time and I'm not really a lesbian, so I guess that joke is the exception - not the rule. My point is, if people are making fun of you for something that they see as a little bit true, you see as a little bit true, AND it bothers you, THEN STOP WHINING AND FIX IT. People make fun of me for being rude all the time, and guess what? I CAN BE RUDE SOMETIMES. Do I cry about what a sweetheart I am all the time? Am I confused as to why people think I can be insensitive? No, because its true, I can be very inappropriately insensitive. My options are to laugh at jokes that come my way, or STOP BEING RUDE. I do not have the option, however, to continue being rude, and get annoyed when people call me out on it. GET OVER YOURSELF.

The worst part of this is when the jokes are really funny, and people get all sensitivo. Get over yourself for a second, if for no other reason than to just appreciate the wit and pure humor. Some people are just really clever. Listen, you could make fun of me for days, maybe its not my favorite thing in the world, but I can definitely take a second to appreciate the joke, and then weep bitterly, alone, in the dark, face down about it later. Sensitive people are so irritating. Like I said, unless its a joke about something you really have no control over, something you cant possibly change, (you really are developmentally delayed, you're missing a limb, etc.) then shutup and laugh. LAUGH. Either fix yourself, or just appreciate a good joke when you hear it. No one likes a sensitive jerk...you just suck the fun out of everything.

On the flip side, I just want to give a quick thanks to the people who can not only make great jokes about other people, but also laugh at themselves. Lifes too short to be so concerned with what people think about you (unless you're a skank, seriously, put some clothes on.) And I appreciate people that can joke with me, and that I can joke with. Everyone needs to learn how to just take a hit, and roll with the punches, you're not any better, more special, or more off limits than anyone else.

We've lost the birds...

Good morning everyone! It's a gorgeous 70 degrees here in sunny California. I hope your morning is as lovely as mine.

A strange thing happened the other morning...I'm pretty sure I hit a bird on my drive into work. I don't want any emails from PETA or animal rights people, it was unintentional. But I must say, there is a lot going on here. First, I thought that deteriorating intelligence was a practice only reserved for human beings, as is demonstrated by the stupid things you see/hear people do/say pretty much daily. But apparently, it's gotten to the birds too. I didn't think birds could get any dumber, but clearly, I was wrong. What happened to the good old days when a bird would SUSPECT that you were coming near it, and immediately fly away ever so spastically? I mean, you could TRY and hit a bird, and you would be unsuccessful. If the shadow of your car seemed as though it was going to come near the bird, flocks would fly the hell outta there like...well, like birds! Those days are gone friends. Now, you literally have to hit the bird before it even realizes its in danger, and by that time, sadly - it's too late. I wasn't even on the highway, or on the street. It's not like I was driving at a high speed and the bird had no time to react. FINE, I know what you're looking for...my confession. Here it comes. I was in the parking lot of my complex leaving my house...going maybe 5-7 mph tops...I saw the bird, I wont lie and say that I didn't. But I thought it was a normal bird! A bird of my youth, a bird with wings, and sense! I saw it in the middle of the road and thought to myself "Surely, when I get too close...it will fly away...that's what birds do" so I crept up. Slowly, but surely, I crept up. Don't shake your head at me! What was I suppose to do??? Get out of my car and politely ask the bird to get out of the way??? IT HAS WINGS!!! It can fly through the air majestically, why was it just hanging out in a Fullerton parking lot anyway! It had the option to be anywhere in the world, and yet it chose to be an obstacle on my drive to work?! Slowly, I crept up...slowly until I couldn't see it and then I thought "Surely, it's walked away and I just didn't see it" And then it happened. I went over a speed bump...but there are no speed bumps.

Bottom line, I'm sorry it happened. However, it wasn't my fault. The birds an idiot...I dont know what else to say about it, except that I'm deeply saddened that "stupid" is sweeping the planet, one species at a time.

You're just so smart...

Hey All!

Hope everyones having a lovely Wednesday morning! Todays blog is going to be kind of serious (don't worry, I'm still going to be speaking about something that REALLY irritates me) but its not as light, or unimportant as everything else I've discussed.

As most of you might know (I'm talking to all 3 of my readers, hi Mom!) I'm a religious girl. Well, I wouldn't say religious so much as I know Jesus Christ. I don't know of Him, don't know about Him, I know Him. While I grew up in the church, I was never forced to attend. My father isn't really one for organized religion, my mother is religious, but not at all the type to shove it down my throat. Never once was I (nor my sisters) made to attend a religious service, never once was I guilted into anything religious. God, the church, and religion have always been completely and totally up to me. Having said that, I will say that I am frustrated. Frustrated with a number of people, but namely, the "intellectuals"

I'm so frustrated with people that think they're smarter than everyone in the world, and even God. That religion and God are "beneath" them. That they're so intellectual, that they can see past all this God/spiritual stuff, and that everyone else on the planet has just created God and religion as a coping mechanism, or way to deal with issues so they don't really have to. Roughly 84% of the worlds population believes in God. This isn't specific to Christianity, just God. Is anyone really SO arrogant, that they believe they're smarter than 84% of the WORLDS population? Sure this includes complete morons, agreed, but this also includes some of the most intelligent people ever to walk to planet (like Albert Einstein and Stephen Hawking who both strongly opposed atheism) Do you think you understand more than they do? Really?

On to Christianity. About 30% of the worlds population is christian (roughly 2.1 billion people). Sure, there are morons in this group too - but there are also people like: Mother Teresa, C.S. Lewis, Martin Luther King, etc. Examples of people that have truly impacted the entire world. Mother Teresa devoted her life to the serving the poorest of the poor in India saying "The miracle is not that we do this work, but that we are happy to do it". Its one thing for a cult to brainwash you into killing yourself with a group of people, it's another thing to say that someone has been brainwashed, to HAPPILY give their entire life (50 years) to the continuous service of others. Where do you think that comes from? I know personally (and you do too, you just may not know who they are) a man who studied for 10 years, became a doctor and only practiced 13 days before giving his life to Christ. I know another man who in his 20s was a practicing attorney, making well over 200k and living "the life" before giving it all up to serve Christ. I know people who have left their families, friends, and all that they know (gladly, willingly) to serve the Lord in impoverish nations. All members of our community.

These are not famous people, they are not people the world knows, they are people God knows, and that know God. Do you really presume to tell me that these people have done all this as a method of coping? That they've sacrificed all they know and love because this is the only way they were taught, and this is all they know? That they havent been out, havent seen the way of the world, and have chosen this because there is no other option? That they've done all this because they're not as smart as you? Because they just don't understand whats really going on? That they've done all this because they simply don't realize they're being brainwashed? That they've sacrificed everything (often times against the wishes of their families and friends) to serve God, because they're dumb, or not intellectuals? Really? Is that what you're trying to tell me with all your intellect? Because quite frankly, I don't buy it. Speaking as someone who didn't know God for a good portion of my life - there is no way I would have been able to commit anything to Him until recently. No way I could ever turn my life over to a God I hadn't seen, heard, felt, or understood. Sure there are plenty of people who are hypocrites, yes. But there are also plenty of people out there who are actually doing big things in the name of Jesus Christ, are you really so arrogant to tell me that they're morons? That you're smarter, and you know better?

Sure, there is a lot that we dont understand. But in all your genius, why is it that you expect to know and understand God and His ways. Answer me this, if you knew all there was to know about God - why would there be a need? Who wants a God just as smart as I am? Who wants a God that I understand completely and totally? Who wants a God thats equal with me - what makes Him God then? And if you had THAT GOD, trust, you still wouldnt believe him. You dont take Him now, because there are so many unanswered questions, but believe me, if those questions were answered, you'd still call him a God made by man, because he would be equal to man. The intellectuals have designed it so that they can never be satisfied, so that they can never try, never know, never be disspointed, and also, never be completed. And take a minute to ask yourself, what you've ever done to understand. What have you done to get to know Him. How much have you offered? How much have you committed? I dont think I've sacrificed enough, but I've been shown. I dont think I've fully committed my life, but I've been spoken to. I dont think I've totally loved Him, but I have been loved by Him. Me, and plenty of other people all over the world - we make our best efforts, truly, and He speaks. If you go the best that you can, He will come. I would actually venture to say its the opposite. It's the intellectuals who have ONLY done what they're told. Who have only done and seen whats exactly in front of them, and made no efforts to go deeper. Who have stayed completely surface, relying on their wits and made no effort to see what the world has seen. It's fine, call me an idiot, you can call me whatever you want, but God is not someone I believe in, He is not someone I hope for, He is not someone I have faith in, He's someone I know. My faith is my knowledge of Him, I personally, could not have faith, had I not known Him.

So, imagine if for a second, just for one second you could put aside your hurt, anger, frustration, sadness, disappointment, laziness, pride, arrogance, and intellect for just a moment - and consider the possibility that maybe, JUST MAYBE 2.1 billion people might know something that you don't. That maybe, 2.1 billion people have seen something you haven't. That 2.1 billion people have committed, and had an experience you are yet to have. Just consider the slight possibility that maybe you're wrong. That maybe we aren't all just morons who don't know any better, that we're not just a bunch of cattle being herded into a church every Sunday morning, and that maybe we are people who don't know about God, but who KNOW God, and are happy to greet Him as often as we can. Stop and consider the possibility that love of God isn't a law, but a choice that billions of people gladly make daily. I know, Christians are all morons, but maybe - we're not.

There are no dumb questions, only dumb people

Good morning!

Aside from getting totally lost in my native land this morning, I'm having a great morning - and I hope you are too! Todays topic is dumb people, or dumb questions? I think it's dumb people. Dumb questions, sure, they happen, but they come from people - so, I'm right.


What is it about these dumb people who ask dumb questions? I don't feel like people are just born dumb, I think a lot of effort goes into it. I think dumb people are just lazy, and that takes work. How many times has someone asked you a dumb question and you just thought "if you had just taken one more step in your teeny, tiny, peanut head, you could have avoided interrupting my snack." I know, I've thought it too. Why is it that people feel the need to ask, before attempting to even THINK of a solution. Literally, all you need to do is take it one step further. Or even worse, is the people who stop you, ask their dumb question, and then answer it before you can! "Hey, how do I turn on the light?" " Oh you-" "Oh, theres the light switch..." If you would have taken literally 7 seconds to not blink and look directly in front of you, you could have spared me the frustration. Or the people who ask the same question over and over??? WRITE IT DOWN, we've been over this. ORRRRR the people who ask questions, whose answers will have less than 0 affect on their lives. "Oh, you went to Rita's party? That's great, what kind of food did they have? What was her sister wearing? Who was there?" What does it matter? Who cares??? Its all useless conversation for people who are bored, and cannot stand to be in their own heads any longer than is absolutely necessary. On the one hand, I cant blame them, because I wouldn't wanna try and squeeze in there either, but comon!

We could save a lot of time, energy, and frustration if we all took 4 seconds to just think before we speak, and before we start asking random questions - especially once we realize we don't even care about the answers!!!

Doors locked, yes please bang it down...

Goooood morning!

I hope everyone is doing FANTASTIC on this lovely Monday morning! Today I'm going to write about something that happens sooo often, it blows my mind. I'm sure we've all expirienced it, and its either sent us into a moment of rage, or a moment of absolute horror. That moment, my friends, is when you're in the restroom, the door is locked, and someone STILL tries to get in.


Seriously what is that about? It starts slowly. Someone playing with the handle, followed by a knock, followed by: "Is someone in there???" then you yell "YES!!! Someones in here!!!" But they cant really hear you, so they fiddle with the door again. SO IRRITATING. I mean, what is it with these people? This is clearly a private room, the door is locked. Why is their first assumption that it's an accident? In their teeny, tiny heads someone left the light on and locked the door on the way OUT, and now its somehow their responsiblity get in? This isnt a rescue mission, no one cried for help, you're not gonna save a life when you get in. Theres actually a great possibility you might ruin one. I just dont understand the logic. Why, when a door to a restroom is locked, would anyone assume that there isnt someone in there? I'm the complete opposite. The restroom could be empty, light off, door unlocked, and I'm STILL not walking in without a knock, a yell, and then VERY SLOWLY, every so slightly, nudging the door just to ensure that I dont walk in on someone.

Basically, when you fiddle with the door and find it locked, and continue to fiddle, you're basically making the entire lock system obsalete arent you? In that action, you're saying "there is no use for a lock, and doors should never be locked." Because, if you had any respect for the door, or the lock, you'd see it locked and wait your turn! I mean the emotions that go through your head. Its so frustrating when this happens at church, because really I'd like nothing more than to scream at the top of my lungs "HEY IDIOT, THERES OBVIOUSLY SOMEONE IN HERE!!!" Not to mention the sheer panic that goes through your body about how horribly this whole thing could end if this moron at the door is successful in their quest to break down this "barrier" that society has put between them and your bowel movement! It'll be a few minutes, just wait your turn.

Bottom line, the lock is there for a reason. Respect it.

Rain in California...need I say more?

Hello, hello! I wish I could say its another gorgeous day in sunny California...sadly, it is raining. Rain, it doesn't happen very often in California, but when it does - it's a doosy. I'm not too sure what it is about rain falling from the sky that has people in such an uproar. Granted, its wet, sometimes cold, and generally a little uncomfortable - but that's about it. Typically rain isn't painful, it doesn't cause any major injuries (I'm talking about rain itself, not rain related accidents) it doesn't hurt, burn, sting, etc. It is just water...that's really all it is. Having said that, I want to know why rain makes everything so difficult.

You think it's annoying to drive in the rain, and yes, I agree. I can understand, it can be dangerous to drive in the rain, HOWEVER, does that mean that you should be driving 30 mph on the freeway with your hazards on? (please refer to: Slow, it's the enemy). Granted, you should be more cautious, maybe instead of driving 85, you're driving 50 or 55 and maybe you're throwing your headlights on (for good measure). I can totally understand that. But then you have the people, who when it rains, the world stops.

You know who I'm talking about. Those people. You know very well who they are - and you, you know who you are. You've made plans for weeks now, great new movie out, friend you havent seen in years, so stoked to hang, and then you get the call: "Hey! Dude, so bummed, don't think I can make it, it's raining..." What is that? First of all, I know it's raining, I live here too. Furthermore, I didn't call you to bail...should have been your first clue that rain isn't gonna make or break me. But it's really the logic (or lack thereof) that really gets me. It's raining, so now you cant get into your car (parked in the garage) drive 10 miles to the movie theatre, where you will proceed to sit (in an enclosed room) for 2.5 hours, before you walk 17 steps (with an umbrella) back to your car, where you will then drive another 10 miles to your home (and again park in your garage). Seriously? Is that really what you're telling me? Because that's pretty close to the dumbest thing I've ever heard.

It happens all the time on the west coast, and man is it irritating. I cannot tell you how many times I hear "Eh, I don't think I'm gonna do anything today, its raining" Comon! I don't know what people here would do if they ever had to live anywhere else. Who just doesn't do stuff because it's raining? "Grrr, I really need this surgery...but it's raining" No, that doesn't happen, because it makes no sense. My mother "Candy, please don't go anywhere today, it's raining" I don't even know what to do with that request? How can I possibly honor it, there are things to be done! I mean what happens if you eventually have to move? Or what happens if it rains for a whole week? Then what??? The east coast, it rains YEAR ROUND. If I'm not doing anything because it's raining, I'm literally not doing anything, ever. I can recall, June of 2009 - it rained every single day. Every single day in the month of June, there was rain. By this logic, June 2009 could have potentially been the most counterproductive month of my life!

Don't get me started on the news. "It's raining out there folks, if you don't have to go anywhere today, we'd recommend you stay in" all they do is contribute to the nonsense. What happened to the days of "Ahh, its a little rain, it wont kill ya!!!" No, suddenly we've all become the wicked witch of the west, where the slightest drop of rain will cause you to melt and surely die. That's not going to happen. Do you know what happens if rain gets on you? YOU GET WET AND IT DRIES. That's all that happens people, just a little moisture. It wont burn off your skin, it wont stain your clothes, and it wont leave a mark - it'll just get you a little wet, and then you'll dry. That's all that happens. You've experienced this same phenomenon of "getting wet" several times before. In the shower, if you go swimming, if you've exercised and sweat...it's all the same concept, and you seem to get through all of those activities pretty ok, right? As if its not bad enough that we're terrified of rain, we act as if we have to just go out there and weather the storm. We don't! You have umbrellas large enough to cover a family of 4, rain jackets, raincoats, and rain boots like its no body's business. In today's world of fashion and accessories, the probability if you going out in the rain and even getting wet is slim to none!

Don't get me wrong, I'd much prefer a sunny day to a cloudy rainy one, but get real people, its not that big a deal. Am I cancelling plans because of rain? No. Am I not going to work because of rain? No. Am I driving in a mad panic, fearing for my life because of rain? Probably, but that's just my ocd.

Facebook, dont think I dont know what you're up to...

Good morning! It's another lovely day here in sunny California. Today I'm not going to be talking about something I hate, but rather - people I hate. Today I'm going to be talking about facebook, and the people who use facebook. Let me first preface this by saying, I am a facebook user, I dont hate it, I dont love it, I'm pretty much indifferent. I will say, it serves its purpose for me, and I think the rest of it's users, but I'll get into that shortly.

The other day I came across a friend of mine (much younger, about 22 or so). She really sent me into a whole other state of "you are exponentially more irritating to me now than you were 12 seconds ago." Now, what she said wasn't that big a deal (to the naked ear), but I hear this statement all too often these days, and its really starting to send me over the edge. She said the following:

"Dude, (so and so) messaged me today, he was like "nice pic, let me know if you're free for coffee this week" hes totally facebook stalking me. He was looking through my vacation pics!!!"

I say this as a 28 year old, single, God fearing woman: Shutup. Seriously, for the love of God, just shutup. I mean its true, how dare this guy (whom youve called your "friend" on facebook) misinterpret your profile pic of you in a string bikini, blowing kisses, as anything more than a friendly hello. You poor, poor thing. Someone has noticed you from the picture that you put on display on the WORLD WIDE WEB, that you CEARLY wanted no one to see, and mistaken you for something other than the attention seeking, wannabe diva that you really are. God forbid someone take an interest in YOU, and invite you to coffee. Who does he think you are? Some girl who wants to be solicited by decent young men for caffeinated drinks??? To you, again, I say - shutup.

Now listen, we can all claim a billion reasons for having a facebook. "Oh, its just a great way to keep in touch with old friends." "I use it for networking, its a great way to get your name out there" BLAH, BLAH, BLAH, people. This term, "facebook stalker" what does that even mean? You can say what you want, but lets call a spade a spade: If you (or I) have a facebook, we're stalkers. The number 1 reason why people have facebook (which they'd never admit, but I assure you, its the truth) WE'RE NOSEY!!! Everyone on facebook is a stalker! We love facebook because we can find out exactly what we want to know about people, who they're friends with, who they're dating, what they're up to (literally daily) without ever having to speak to them! If you ask me, it's ideal.

Now you can say what you like, "I'm not a stalker, and facebook stalkers are creepy." Really? Is that why you posted your mardi gras pics up there "Look, I got beads!!!" and tagged 245 people in it...because you just want your "privacy" and dont want to be bothered? Is that why you commented on 345 different pics of your sisters, fiance's, brothers dog? Really? Is it? The reality is, is that facebook is made by stalkers, for stalkers. And lets be real ladies, the difference between a "stalker" and a "really sweet guy" is directly proportional to how much you actually like the guy. If you're not interested its "ew, hes so creepy and wont leave me alone" because he commented on your status of "I'm having such a bad day, all I want is to be loved..." but someone who you actually like, even if he calls you a moron (which is most likely true) is "just so cute and funny".

This notion that you can have a facebook, and NOT be a stalker is totally false, and more importantly, annoying. We have facebook so we can stalk, we post things on facebook, to be stalked - honestly posting on facebook and getting annoyed that people look at it, its essentially a cyber - slutty dress. You want people to look sweetheart, you're not foolin anyone.

Slow, its the enemy...

So, as you can see, the title of this blog is Candace in New York. I'd imagine this title would be much more appropriate had I still been living in New York, but honestly - tomAto, tomOto. Needless to say, I am NOT in New York, and now I'm back in sunny California. I have a great job that I love, I'm back near my family and friends, the weather is great, I have my car again...all is pretty much well, thank God. With the exception of a few small things...and thats really what my blog is about. The things that irritate the hell out of me (and probably you.) The things/people that the world would be a much better place without.

At first I thought, I could just post this stuff that annoys me on facebook, but then I realized - 1) that would make for SEVERAL updates daily (and that annoys everyone) and 2) it would probably make me a real debbie downer. SOOOOOOO, instead of updating my facebook 20 times a day and riling up everyone that sees my page, I figured, I'll just blog - and that way whoever wants to participate in my rage is totally free to do so of their own free will.


Now dont get me wrong. I dont hate life, I'm not at all miserable, I love to laugh, dance, have a great time...but sometimes, there are just some things (in my case, several thousand) that really get under your skin and irritate the crap out of you...and THAT, my friends, is what this blog is all about. I hope that this will give some insight into me, and maybe help you to understand that you too, should be irritated by these things. Just think, if we all came together, and everyone hated the same thing, imagine how much say we'd have in eliminating it??? Saddam Hussein, and the television show "Moment of truth" are just some simple examples of what we can get rid of if we all just join together.

My issue today is: Slow. Everything about slow bothers me. Internet being slow, people who talk slowly, people who move slowly, people who THINK slowly, etc. The internet being slow, I think I can admit, thats my own issue. I mean the internet is a great thing, it's not ALWAYS going to move at the speed of light, I get it. People, however, what is their deal? I must admit I've noticed this problem MUCH more having moved back to California. Living in NYC, people are on the move. Even if you don't have an appointment, somehow, you're still late. Everyone is on the go, on the move, no time to stop and chat, no time to smell the roses, no time to ask/give directions. Theres no time people! You're tryin to jump on the crowded, smelly, "thats not my hand on my thigh" subway as soon as the doors open, forgetting that there is a completely empty train literally 3 minutes behind this train - WHY??? Because, it's rush hour, and what else do you do during that hour, if not rush??? A philosophy I wish everyone would adopt.

California, man is it a different pace out here. You've got people stopped in the middle of the road chit chatting, walking slowly, talking slowly. It's like COMON people! What are you trying to do to me??? It is my firm beleif, that in a pre-apocolyptic world, there is no reason under the Heavens, that I should ever be stopped on a freeway. I mean seriously, what is that??? If everyone is moving, all the time WHY IS THERE TRAFFIC??? I've read (in books, websites, etc - more than one place) that if there is not a traffic accident, traffic starts with 1 slow driver in every lane. SEE, SLOW PEOPLE AFFECT YOU TOO. Did you ever stop to think probably MOST of LA's traffic starts as a result of slow people? Honestly, now try telling me you dont hate slow too.

People who move slowly can really send me from 0 to rage in roughly 3.7 seconds. The guy walking slowly in front of you at the mall, people who move slowly getting dressed/ready, people who when you say "click file" take 45 minutes to find it - ITS RIGHT THERE. Seriously, no one has anywhere to be??? No one has anything to do??? Never have I expirienced this rage worse than when I was in Hawaii. I took a second, (actually my sister did - thanks Lynette) looked at my map, figured out where I was going. Had my money for the bus in hand and ready to go (as oppoosed to Lily lolly gag whos rummaging (slowly) through her purse as the bus doors open, and remain open now throwing the bus off schedule) then I get on the bus. Wait about 3 minutes before anything happens. At this point, im starting to sweat, breathing kind of heavy, generally just very uncomfortable. When I see 2 things very disturbing to me : 1) someone asking the bus driver for directions...and 2) the bus driver actually giving directions!!! Are we serious??? This is not the time people, its not the time! In a day and age where I can get directions on a map, my computer, cell phone, asking the bus driver with a bus full of people AS he's pulling away - is not the time!!! The person asking for directions wasnt even on the bus! He was just a random pedestrian asking for directions, just holding everyone and their mother up so he could figure out how to get to 1 of the 34 starbucks in the area toget his obviously DEcaf latte. I have to take a moment, I'm getting riled up just writing about it. It's the idea of slow, that slow is ok, that there are no time constraints...its so very upsetting to me. Slow is the enemy people, slow and steady wins the race, BS!!! FAST WINS THE RACE! The slow guy has NEVER won - EVER. In fact, he loses every single time.

Another great example of slow pushing me over the edge, are the people who have not gathered their thoughts and then start talking to you - what is that? A slow thinker, thats the worst kind. "Yeah, I just felt like, I duno - it was weird because like, I duno, it's hard to explain, it was just weird" Thank you for that. My life is much more enriched now having had this conversation of absolutely 0 benefit with you. Please, never speak to me again. Why is it difficult, to take a moment to yourself (prior to begining this dialogue), gather your thoughts and then complete your sentance: "Yeah, it was uncomfortable becuase he has a lazy eye, and so I could never tell if he was looking at me." See, very easy. If everyone just takes an extra second to pull it all together, it comes out quick, and easy, and everyone is happy. Or the voicemail message, that could easily be a text message, but instead you'll get the phone call with the long voicemail that essentially says nothing and takes forever to get through:

"Hi, its me (thats a whole other blog) just calling because um, *long pause* sorry, I'm trying to order something online and its saying my credit card security code is wrong, but its not wrong...dooo dee dooo...ok there we go, now its working, anyway I wanted to know if the party was at 8 or at 9. k call me back, thanks!"

No, I will not call you back. That does not require a phone call back, nor did your original question require a phone call. Thats getting a text that says "8" and thats it.

Slow, it's just bad, and its everywhere. If people got this idea of "slow is ok" out of their heads, I'm telling you, the world would be such a different place. I'm not saying we all need to rush, I am saying though, that we need to not be so damn slow. Nothing good comes of it, all it does is cause people to step on the back of your shoes, people to rear end you on the freeway, and you being late everywhere. Are any of those things good? NO. They are all bad, all bad.