Good morning!
Aside from getting totally lost in my native land this morning, I'm having a great morning - and I hope you are too! Todays topic is dumb people, or dumb questions? I think it's dumb people. Dumb questions, sure, they happen, but they come from people - so, I'm right.
What is it about these dumb people who ask dumb questions? I don't feel like people are just born dumb, I think a lot of effort goes into it. I think dumb people are just lazy, and that takes work. How many times has someone asked you a dumb question and you just thought "if you had just taken one more step in your teeny, tiny, peanut head, you could have avoided interrupting my snack." I know, I've thought it too. Why is it that people feel the need to ask, before attempting to even THINK of a solution. Literally, all you need to do is take it one step further. Or even worse, is the people who stop you, ask their dumb question, and then answer it before you can! "Hey, how do I turn on the light?" " Oh you-" "Oh, theres the light switch..." If you would have taken literally 7 seconds to not blink and look directly in front of you, you could have spared me the frustration. Or the people who ask the same question over and over??? WRITE IT DOWN, we've been over this. ORRRRR the people who ask questions, whose answers will have less than 0 affect on their lives. "Oh, you went to Rita's party? That's great, what kind of food did they have? What was her sister wearing? Who was there?" What does it matter? Who cares??? Its all useless conversation for people who are bored, and cannot stand to be in their own heads any longer than is absolutely necessary. On the one hand, I cant blame them, because I wouldn't wanna try and squeeze in there either, but comon!
We could save a lot of time, energy, and frustration if we all took 4 seconds to just think before we speak, and before we start asking random questions - especially once we realize we don't even care about the answers!!!
Tuesday, November 30, 2010
Monday, November 22, 2010
Doors locked, yes please bang it down...
Goooood morning!
I hope everyone is doing FANTASTIC on this lovely Monday morning! Today I'm going to write about something that happens sooo often, it blows my mind. I'm sure we've all expirienced it, and its either sent us into a moment of rage, or a moment of absolute horror. That moment, my friends, is when you're in the restroom, the door is locked, and someone STILL tries to get in.
Seriously what is that about? It starts slowly. Someone playing with the handle, followed by a knock, followed by: "Is someone in there???" then you yell "YES!!! Someones in here!!!" But they cant really hear you, so they fiddle with the door again. SO IRRITATING. I mean, what is it with these people? This is clearly a private room, the door is locked. Why is their first assumption that it's an accident? In their teeny, tiny heads someone left the light on and locked the door on the way OUT, and now its somehow their responsiblity get in? This isnt a rescue mission, no one cried for help, you're not gonna save a life when you get in. Theres actually a great possibility you might ruin one. I just dont understand the logic. Why, when a door to a restroom is locked, would anyone assume that there isnt someone in there? I'm the complete opposite. The restroom could be empty, light off, door unlocked, and I'm STILL not walking in without a knock, a yell, and then VERY SLOWLY, every so slightly, nudging the door just to ensure that I dont walk in on someone.
Basically, when you fiddle with the door and find it locked, and continue to fiddle, you're basically making the entire lock system obsalete arent you? In that action, you're saying "there is no use for a lock, and doors should never be locked." Because, if you had any respect for the door, or the lock, you'd see it locked and wait your turn! I mean the emotions that go through your head. Its so frustrating when this happens at church, because really I'd like nothing more than to scream at the top of my lungs "HEY IDIOT, THERES OBVIOUSLY SOMEONE IN HERE!!!" Not to mention the sheer panic that goes through your body about how horribly this whole thing could end if this moron at the door is successful in their quest to break down this "barrier" that society has put between them and your bowel movement! It'll be a few minutes, just wait your turn.
Bottom line, the lock is there for a reason. Respect it.
I hope everyone is doing FANTASTIC on this lovely Monday morning! Today I'm going to write about something that happens sooo often, it blows my mind. I'm sure we've all expirienced it, and its either sent us into a moment of rage, or a moment of absolute horror. That moment, my friends, is when you're in the restroom, the door is locked, and someone STILL tries to get in.
Seriously what is that about? It starts slowly. Someone playing with the handle, followed by a knock, followed by: "Is someone in there???" then you yell "YES!!! Someones in here!!!" But they cant really hear you, so they fiddle with the door again. SO IRRITATING. I mean, what is it with these people? This is clearly a private room, the door is locked. Why is their first assumption that it's an accident? In their teeny, tiny heads someone left the light on and locked the door on the way OUT, and now its somehow their responsiblity get in? This isnt a rescue mission, no one cried for help, you're not gonna save a life when you get in. Theres actually a great possibility you might ruin one. I just dont understand the logic. Why, when a door to a restroom is locked, would anyone assume that there isnt someone in there? I'm the complete opposite. The restroom could be empty, light off, door unlocked, and I'm STILL not walking in without a knock, a yell, and then VERY SLOWLY, every so slightly, nudging the door just to ensure that I dont walk in on someone.
Basically, when you fiddle with the door and find it locked, and continue to fiddle, you're basically making the entire lock system obsalete arent you? In that action, you're saying "there is no use for a lock, and doors should never be locked." Because, if you had any respect for the door, or the lock, you'd see it locked and wait your turn! I mean the emotions that go through your head. Its so frustrating when this happens at church, because really I'd like nothing more than to scream at the top of my lungs "HEY IDIOT, THERES OBVIOUSLY SOMEONE IN HERE!!!" Not to mention the sheer panic that goes through your body about how horribly this whole thing could end if this moron at the door is successful in their quest to break down this "barrier" that society has put between them and your bowel movement! It'll be a few minutes, just wait your turn.
Bottom line, the lock is there for a reason. Respect it.
Saturday, November 20, 2010
Rain in California...need I say more?
Hello, hello! I wish I could say its another gorgeous day in sunny California...sadly, it is raining. Rain, it doesn't happen very often in California, but when it does - it's a doosy. I'm not too sure what it is about rain falling from the sky that has people in such an uproar. Granted, its wet, sometimes cold, and generally a little uncomfortable - but that's about it. Typically rain isn't painful, it doesn't cause any major injuries (I'm talking about rain itself, not rain related accidents) it doesn't hurt, burn, sting, etc. It is just water...that's really all it is. Having said that, I want to know why rain makes everything so difficult.
You think it's annoying to drive in the rain, and yes, I agree. I can understand, it can be dangerous to drive in the rain, HOWEVER, does that mean that you should be driving 30 mph on the freeway with your hazards on? (please refer to: Slow, it's the enemy). Granted, you should be more cautious, maybe instead of driving 85, you're driving 50 or 55 and maybe you're throwing your headlights on (for good measure). I can totally understand that. But then you have the people, who when it rains, the world stops.
You know who I'm talking about. Those people. You know very well who they are - and you, you know who you are. You've made plans for weeks now, great new movie out, friend you havent seen in years, so stoked to hang, and then you get the call: "Hey! Dude, so bummed, don't think I can make it, it's raining..." What is that? First of all, I know it's raining, I live here too. Furthermore, I didn't call you to bail...should have been your first clue that rain isn't gonna make or break me. But it's really the logic (or lack thereof) that really gets me. It's raining, so now you cant get into your car (parked in the garage) drive 10 miles to the movie theatre, where you will proceed to sit (in an enclosed room) for 2.5 hours, before you walk 17 steps (with an umbrella) back to your car, where you will then drive another 10 miles to your home (and again park in your garage). Seriously? Is that really what you're telling me? Because that's pretty close to the dumbest thing I've ever heard.
It happens all the time on the west coast, and man is it irritating. I cannot tell you how many times I hear "Eh, I don't think I'm gonna do anything today, its raining" Comon! I don't know what people here would do if they ever had to live anywhere else. Who just doesn't do stuff because it's raining? "Grrr, I really need this surgery...but it's raining" No, that doesn't happen, because it makes no sense. My mother "Candy, please don't go anywhere today, it's raining" I don't even know what to do with that request? How can I possibly honor it, there are things to be done! I mean what happens if you eventually have to move? Or what happens if it rains for a whole week? Then what??? The east coast, it rains YEAR ROUND. If I'm not doing anything because it's raining, I'm literally not doing anything, ever. I can recall, June of 2009 - it rained every single day. Every single day in the month of June, there was rain. By this logic, June 2009 could have potentially been the most counterproductive month of my life!
Don't get me started on the news. "It's raining out there folks, if you don't have to go anywhere today, we'd recommend you stay in" all they do is contribute to the nonsense. What happened to the days of "Ahh, its a little rain, it wont kill ya!!!" No, suddenly we've all become the wicked witch of the west, where the slightest drop of rain will cause you to melt and surely die. That's not going to happen. Do you know what happens if rain gets on you? YOU GET WET AND IT DRIES. That's all that happens people, just a little moisture. It wont burn off your skin, it wont stain your clothes, and it wont leave a mark - it'll just get you a little wet, and then you'll dry. That's all that happens. You've experienced this same phenomenon of "getting wet" several times before. In the shower, if you go swimming, if you've exercised and sweat...it's all the same concept, and you seem to get through all of those activities pretty ok, right? As if its not bad enough that we're terrified of rain, we act as if we have to just go out there and weather the storm. We don't! You have umbrellas large enough to cover a family of 4, rain jackets, raincoats, and rain boots like its no body's business. In today's world of fashion and accessories, the probability if you going out in the rain and even getting wet is slim to none!
Don't get me wrong, I'd much prefer a sunny day to a cloudy rainy one, but get real people, its not that big a deal. Am I cancelling plans because of rain? No. Am I not going to work because of rain? No. Am I driving in a mad panic, fearing for my life because of rain? Probably, but that's just my ocd.
You think it's annoying to drive in the rain, and yes, I agree. I can understand, it can be dangerous to drive in the rain, HOWEVER, does that mean that you should be driving 30 mph on the freeway with your hazards on? (please refer to: Slow, it's the enemy). Granted, you should be more cautious, maybe instead of driving 85, you're driving 50 or 55 and maybe you're throwing your headlights on (for good measure). I can totally understand that. But then you have the people, who when it rains, the world stops.
You know who I'm talking about. Those people. You know very well who they are - and you, you know who you are. You've made plans for weeks now, great new movie out, friend you havent seen in years, so stoked to hang, and then you get the call: "Hey! Dude, so bummed, don't think I can make it, it's raining..." What is that? First of all, I know it's raining, I live here too. Furthermore, I didn't call you to bail...should have been your first clue that rain isn't gonna make or break me. But it's really the logic (or lack thereof) that really gets me. It's raining, so now you cant get into your car (parked in the garage) drive 10 miles to the movie theatre, where you will proceed to sit (in an enclosed room) for 2.5 hours, before you walk 17 steps (with an umbrella) back to your car, where you will then drive another 10 miles to your home (and again park in your garage). Seriously? Is that really what you're telling me? Because that's pretty close to the dumbest thing I've ever heard.
It happens all the time on the west coast, and man is it irritating. I cannot tell you how many times I hear "Eh, I don't think I'm gonna do anything today, its raining" Comon! I don't know what people here would do if they ever had to live anywhere else. Who just doesn't do stuff because it's raining? "Grrr, I really need this surgery...but it's raining" No, that doesn't happen, because it makes no sense. My mother "Candy, please don't go anywhere today, it's raining" I don't even know what to do with that request? How can I possibly honor it, there are things to be done! I mean what happens if you eventually have to move? Or what happens if it rains for a whole week? Then what??? The east coast, it rains YEAR ROUND. If I'm not doing anything because it's raining, I'm literally not doing anything, ever. I can recall, June of 2009 - it rained every single day. Every single day in the month of June, there was rain. By this logic, June 2009 could have potentially been the most counterproductive month of my life!
Don't get me started on the news. "It's raining out there folks, if you don't have to go anywhere today, we'd recommend you stay in" all they do is contribute to the nonsense. What happened to the days of "Ahh, its a little rain, it wont kill ya!!!" No, suddenly we've all become the wicked witch of the west, where the slightest drop of rain will cause you to melt and surely die. That's not going to happen. Do you know what happens if rain gets on you? YOU GET WET AND IT DRIES. That's all that happens people, just a little moisture. It wont burn off your skin, it wont stain your clothes, and it wont leave a mark - it'll just get you a little wet, and then you'll dry. That's all that happens. You've experienced this same phenomenon of "getting wet" several times before. In the shower, if you go swimming, if you've exercised and sweat...it's all the same concept, and you seem to get through all of those activities pretty ok, right? As if its not bad enough that we're terrified of rain, we act as if we have to just go out there and weather the storm. We don't! You have umbrellas large enough to cover a family of 4, rain jackets, raincoats, and rain boots like its no body's business. In today's world of fashion and accessories, the probability if you going out in the rain and even getting wet is slim to none!
Don't get me wrong, I'd much prefer a sunny day to a cloudy rainy one, but get real people, its not that big a deal. Am I cancelling plans because of rain? No. Am I not going to work because of rain? No. Am I driving in a mad panic, fearing for my life because of rain? Probably, but that's just my ocd.
Friday, November 19, 2010
Facebook, dont think I dont know what you're up to...
Good morning! It's another lovely day here in sunny California. Today I'm not going to be talking about something I hate, but rather - people I hate. Today I'm going to be talking about facebook, and the people who use facebook. Let me first preface this by saying, I am a facebook user, I dont hate it, I dont love it, I'm pretty much indifferent. I will say, it serves its purpose for me, and I think the rest of it's users, but I'll get into that shortly.
The other day I came across a friend of mine (much younger, about 22 or so). She really sent me into a whole other state of "you are exponentially more irritating to me now than you were 12 seconds ago." Now, what she said wasn't that big a deal (to the naked ear), but I hear this statement all too often these days, and its really starting to send me over the edge. She said the following:
"Dude, (so and so) messaged me today, he was like "nice pic, let me know if you're free for coffee this week" hes totally facebook stalking me. He was looking through my vacation pics!!!"
I say this as a 28 year old, single, God fearing woman: Shutup. Seriously, for the love of God, just shutup. I mean its true, how dare this guy (whom youve called your "friend" on facebook) misinterpret your profile pic of you in a string bikini, blowing kisses, as anything more than a friendly hello. You poor, poor thing. Someone has noticed you from the picture that you put on display on the WORLD WIDE WEB, that you CEARLY wanted no one to see, and mistaken you for something other than the attention seeking, wannabe diva that you really are. God forbid someone take an interest in YOU, and invite you to coffee. Who does he think you are? Some girl who wants to be solicited by decent young men for caffeinated drinks??? To you, again, I say - shutup.
Now listen, we can all claim a billion reasons for having a facebook. "Oh, its just a great way to keep in touch with old friends." "I use it for networking, its a great way to get your name out there" BLAH, BLAH, BLAH, people. This term, "facebook stalker" what does that even mean? You can say what you want, but lets call a spade a spade: If you (or I) have a facebook, we're stalkers. The number 1 reason why people have facebook (which they'd never admit, but I assure you, its the truth) WE'RE NOSEY!!! Everyone on facebook is a stalker! We love facebook because we can find out exactly what we want to know about people, who they're friends with, who they're dating, what they're up to (literally daily) without ever having to speak to them! If you ask me, it's ideal.
Now you can say what you like, "I'm not a stalker, and facebook stalkers are creepy." Really? Is that why you posted your mardi gras pics up there "Look, I got beads!!!" and tagged 245 people in it...because you just want your "privacy" and dont want to be bothered? Is that why you commented on 345 different pics of your sisters, fiance's, brothers dog? Really? Is it? The reality is, is that facebook is made by stalkers, for stalkers. And lets be real ladies, the difference between a "stalker" and a "really sweet guy" is directly proportional to how much you actually like the guy. If you're not interested its "ew, hes so creepy and wont leave me alone" because he commented on your status of "I'm having such a bad day, all I want is to be loved..." but someone who you actually like, even if he calls you a moron (which is most likely true) is "just so cute and funny".
This notion that you can have a facebook, and NOT be a stalker is totally false, and more importantly, annoying. We have facebook so we can stalk, we post things on facebook, to be stalked - honestly posting on facebook and getting annoyed that people look at it, its essentially a cyber - slutty dress. You want people to look sweetheart, you're not foolin anyone.
The other day I came across a friend of mine (much younger, about 22 or so). She really sent me into a whole other state of "you are exponentially more irritating to me now than you were 12 seconds ago." Now, what she said wasn't that big a deal (to the naked ear), but I hear this statement all too often these days, and its really starting to send me over the edge. She said the following:
"Dude, (so and so) messaged me today, he was like "nice pic, let me know if you're free for coffee this week" hes totally facebook stalking me. He was looking through my vacation pics!!!"
I say this as a 28 year old, single, God fearing woman: Shutup. Seriously, for the love of God, just shutup. I mean its true, how dare this guy (whom youve called your "friend" on facebook) misinterpret your profile pic of you in a string bikini, blowing kisses, as anything more than a friendly hello. You poor, poor thing. Someone has noticed you from the picture that you put on display on the WORLD WIDE WEB, that you CEARLY wanted no one to see, and mistaken you for something other than the attention seeking, wannabe diva that you really are. God forbid someone take an interest in YOU, and invite you to coffee. Who does he think you are? Some girl who wants to be solicited by decent young men for caffeinated drinks??? To you, again, I say - shutup.
Now listen, we can all claim a billion reasons for having a facebook. "Oh, its just a great way to keep in touch with old friends." "I use it for networking, its a great way to get your name out there" BLAH, BLAH, BLAH, people. This term, "facebook stalker" what does that even mean? You can say what you want, but lets call a spade a spade: If you (or I) have a facebook, we're stalkers. The number 1 reason why people have facebook (which they'd never admit, but I assure you, its the truth) WE'RE NOSEY!!! Everyone on facebook is a stalker! We love facebook because we can find out exactly what we want to know about people, who they're friends with, who they're dating, what they're up to (literally daily) without ever having to speak to them! If you ask me, it's ideal.
Now you can say what you like, "I'm not a stalker, and facebook stalkers are creepy." Really? Is that why you posted your mardi gras pics up there "Look, I got beads!!!" and tagged 245 people in it...because you just want your "privacy" and dont want to be bothered? Is that why you commented on 345 different pics of your sisters, fiance's, brothers dog? Really? Is it? The reality is, is that facebook is made by stalkers, for stalkers. And lets be real ladies, the difference between a "stalker" and a "really sweet guy" is directly proportional to how much you actually like the guy. If you're not interested its "ew, hes so creepy and wont leave me alone" because he commented on your status of "I'm having such a bad day, all I want is to be loved..." but someone who you actually like, even if he calls you a moron (which is most likely true) is "just so cute and funny".
This notion that you can have a facebook, and NOT be a stalker is totally false, and more importantly, annoying. We have facebook so we can stalk, we post things on facebook, to be stalked - honestly posting on facebook and getting annoyed that people look at it, its essentially a cyber - slutty dress. You want people to look sweetheart, you're not foolin anyone.
Thursday, November 18, 2010
Slow, its the enemy...
So, as you can see, the title of this blog is Candace in New York. I'd imagine this title would be much more appropriate had I still been living in New York, but honestly - tomAto, tomOto. Needless to say, I am NOT in New York, and now I'm back in sunny California. I have a great job that I love, I'm back near my family and friends, the weather is great, I have my car again...all is pretty much well, thank God. With the exception of a few small things...and thats really what my blog is about. The things that irritate the hell out of me (and probably you.) The things/people that the world would be a much better place without.
At first I thought, I could just post this stuff that annoys me on facebook, but then I realized - 1) that would make for SEVERAL updates daily (and that annoys everyone) and 2) it would probably make me a real debbie downer. SOOOOOOO, instead of updating my facebook 20 times a day and riling up everyone that sees my page, I figured, I'll just blog - and that way whoever wants to participate in my rage is totally free to do so of their own free will.
Now dont get me wrong. I dont hate life, I'm not at all miserable, I love to laugh, dance, have a great time...but sometimes, there are just some things (in my case, several thousand) that really get under your skin and irritate the crap out of you...and THAT, my friends, is what this blog is all about. I hope that this will give some insight into me, and maybe help you to understand that you too, should be irritated by these things. Just think, if we all came together, and everyone hated the same thing, imagine how much say we'd have in eliminating it??? Saddam Hussein, and the television show "Moment of truth" are just some simple examples of what we can get rid of if we all just join together.
My issue today is: Slow. Everything about slow bothers me. Internet being slow, people who talk slowly, people who move slowly, people who THINK slowly, etc. The internet being slow, I think I can admit, thats my own issue. I mean the internet is a great thing, it's not ALWAYS going to move at the speed of light, I get it. People, however, what is their deal? I must admit I've noticed this problem MUCH more having moved back to California. Living in NYC, people are on the move. Even if you don't have an appointment, somehow, you're still late. Everyone is on the go, on the move, no time to stop and chat, no time to smell the roses, no time to ask/give directions. Theres no time people! You're tryin to jump on the crowded, smelly, "thats not my hand on my thigh" subway as soon as the doors open, forgetting that there is a completely empty train literally 3 minutes behind this train - WHY??? Because, it's rush hour, and what else do you do during that hour, if not rush??? A philosophy I wish everyone would adopt.
California, man is it a different pace out here. You've got people stopped in the middle of the road chit chatting, walking slowly, talking slowly. It's like COMON people! What are you trying to do to me??? It is my firm beleif, that in a pre-apocolyptic world, there is no reason under the Heavens, that I should ever be stopped on a freeway. I mean seriously, what is that??? If everyone is moving, all the time WHY IS THERE TRAFFIC??? I've read (in books, websites, etc - more than one place) that if there is not a traffic accident, traffic starts with 1 slow driver in every lane. SEE, SLOW PEOPLE AFFECT YOU TOO. Did you ever stop to think probably MOST of LA's traffic starts as a result of slow people? Honestly, now try telling me you dont hate slow too.
People who move slowly can really send me from 0 to rage in roughly 3.7 seconds. The guy walking slowly in front of you at the mall, people who move slowly getting dressed/ready, people who when you say "click file" take 45 minutes to find it - ITS RIGHT THERE. Seriously, no one has anywhere to be??? No one has anything to do??? Never have I expirienced this rage worse than when I was in Hawaii. I took a second, (actually my sister did - thanks Lynette) looked at my map, figured out where I was going. Had my money for the bus in hand and ready to go (as oppoosed to Lily lolly gag whos rummaging (slowly) through her purse as the bus doors open, and remain open now throwing the bus off schedule) then I get on the bus. Wait about 3 minutes before anything happens. At this point, im starting to sweat, breathing kind of heavy, generally just very uncomfortable. When I see 2 things very disturbing to me : 1) someone asking the bus driver for directions...and 2) the bus driver actually giving directions!!! Are we serious??? This is not the time people, its not the time! In a day and age where I can get directions on a map, my computer, cell phone, asking the bus driver with a bus full of people AS he's pulling away - is not the time!!! The person asking for directions wasnt even on the bus! He was just a random pedestrian asking for directions, just holding everyone and their mother up so he could figure out how to get to 1 of the 34 starbucks in the area toget his obviously DEcaf latte. I have to take a moment, I'm getting riled up just writing about it. It's the idea of slow, that slow is ok, that there are no time constraints...its so very upsetting to me. Slow is the enemy people, slow and steady wins the race, BS!!! FAST WINS THE RACE! The slow guy has NEVER won - EVER. In fact, he loses every single time.
Another great example of slow pushing me over the edge, are the people who have not gathered their thoughts and then start talking to you - what is that? A slow thinker, thats the worst kind. "Yeah, I just felt like, I duno - it was weird because like, I duno, it's hard to explain, it was just weird" Thank you for that. My life is much more enriched now having had this conversation of absolutely 0 benefit with you. Please, never speak to me again. Why is it difficult, to take a moment to yourself (prior to begining this dialogue), gather your thoughts and then complete your sentance: "Yeah, it was uncomfortable becuase he has a lazy eye, and so I could never tell if he was looking at me." See, very easy. If everyone just takes an extra second to pull it all together, it comes out quick, and easy, and everyone is happy. Or the voicemail message, that could easily be a text message, but instead you'll get the phone call with the long voicemail that essentially says nothing and takes forever to get through:
"Hi, its me (thats a whole other blog) just calling because um, *long pause* sorry, I'm trying to order something online and its saying my credit card security code is wrong, but its not wrong...dooo dee dooo...ok there we go, now its working, anyway I wanted to know if the party was at 8 or at 9. k call me back, thanks!"
No, I will not call you back. That does not require a phone call back, nor did your original question require a phone call. Thats getting a text that says "8" and thats it.
Slow, it's just bad, and its everywhere. If people got this idea of "slow is ok" out of their heads, I'm telling you, the world would be such a different place. I'm not saying we all need to rush, I am saying though, that we need to not be so damn slow. Nothing good comes of it, all it does is cause people to step on the back of your shoes, people to rear end you on the freeway, and you being late everywhere. Are any of those things good? NO. They are all bad, all bad.
At first I thought, I could just post this stuff that annoys me on facebook, but then I realized - 1) that would make for SEVERAL updates daily (and that annoys everyone) and 2) it would probably make me a real debbie downer. SOOOOOOO, instead of updating my facebook 20 times a day and riling up everyone that sees my page, I figured, I'll just blog - and that way whoever wants to participate in my rage is totally free to do so of their own free will.
Now dont get me wrong. I dont hate life, I'm not at all miserable, I love to laugh, dance, have a great time...but sometimes, there are just some things (in my case, several thousand) that really get under your skin and irritate the crap out of you...and THAT, my friends, is what this blog is all about. I hope that this will give some insight into me, and maybe help you to understand that you too, should be irritated by these things. Just think, if we all came together, and everyone hated the same thing, imagine how much say we'd have in eliminating it??? Saddam Hussein, and the television show "Moment of truth" are just some simple examples of what we can get rid of if we all just join together.
My issue today is: Slow. Everything about slow bothers me. Internet being slow, people who talk slowly, people who move slowly, people who THINK slowly, etc. The internet being slow, I think I can admit, thats my own issue. I mean the internet is a great thing, it's not ALWAYS going to move at the speed of light, I get it. People, however, what is their deal? I must admit I've noticed this problem MUCH more having moved back to California. Living in NYC, people are on the move. Even if you don't have an appointment, somehow, you're still late. Everyone is on the go, on the move, no time to stop and chat, no time to smell the roses, no time to ask/give directions. Theres no time people! You're tryin to jump on the crowded, smelly, "thats not my hand on my thigh" subway as soon as the doors open, forgetting that there is a completely empty train literally 3 minutes behind this train - WHY??? Because, it's rush hour, and what else do you do during that hour, if not rush??? A philosophy I wish everyone would adopt.
California, man is it a different pace out here. You've got people stopped in the middle of the road chit chatting, walking slowly, talking slowly. It's like COMON people! What are you trying to do to me??? It is my firm beleif, that in a pre-apocolyptic world, there is no reason under the Heavens, that I should ever be stopped on a freeway. I mean seriously, what is that??? If everyone is moving, all the time WHY IS THERE TRAFFIC??? I've read (in books, websites, etc - more than one place) that if there is not a traffic accident, traffic starts with 1 slow driver in every lane. SEE, SLOW PEOPLE AFFECT YOU TOO. Did you ever stop to think probably MOST of LA's traffic starts as a result of slow people? Honestly, now try telling me you dont hate slow too.
People who move slowly can really send me from 0 to rage in roughly 3.7 seconds. The guy walking slowly in front of you at the mall, people who move slowly getting dressed/ready, people who when you say "click file" take 45 minutes to find it - ITS RIGHT THERE. Seriously, no one has anywhere to be??? No one has anything to do??? Never have I expirienced this rage worse than when I was in Hawaii. I took a second, (actually my sister did - thanks Lynette) looked at my map, figured out where I was going. Had my money for the bus in hand and ready to go (as oppoosed to Lily lolly gag whos rummaging (slowly) through her purse as the bus doors open, and remain open now throwing the bus off schedule) then I get on the bus. Wait about 3 minutes before anything happens. At this point, im starting to sweat, breathing kind of heavy, generally just very uncomfortable. When I see 2 things very disturbing to me : 1) someone asking the bus driver for directions...and 2) the bus driver actually giving directions!!! Are we serious??? This is not the time people, its not the time! In a day and age where I can get directions on a map, my computer, cell phone, asking the bus driver with a bus full of people AS he's pulling away - is not the time!!! The person asking for directions wasnt even on the bus! He was just a random pedestrian asking for directions, just holding everyone and their mother up so he could figure out how to get to 1 of the 34 starbucks in the area toget his obviously DEcaf latte. I have to take a moment, I'm getting riled up just writing about it. It's the idea of slow, that slow is ok, that there are no time constraints...its so very upsetting to me. Slow is the enemy people, slow and steady wins the race, BS!!! FAST WINS THE RACE! The slow guy has NEVER won - EVER. In fact, he loses every single time.
Another great example of slow pushing me over the edge, are the people who have not gathered their thoughts and then start talking to you - what is that? A slow thinker, thats the worst kind. "Yeah, I just felt like, I duno - it was weird because like, I duno, it's hard to explain, it was just weird" Thank you for that. My life is much more enriched now having had this conversation of absolutely 0 benefit with you. Please, never speak to me again. Why is it difficult, to take a moment to yourself (prior to begining this dialogue), gather your thoughts and then complete your sentance: "Yeah, it was uncomfortable becuase he has a lazy eye, and so I could never tell if he was looking at me." See, very easy. If everyone just takes an extra second to pull it all together, it comes out quick, and easy, and everyone is happy. Or the voicemail message, that could easily be a text message, but instead you'll get the phone call with the long voicemail that essentially says nothing and takes forever to get through:
"Hi, its me (thats a whole other blog) just calling because um, *long pause* sorry, I'm trying to order something online and its saying my credit card security code is wrong, but its not wrong...dooo dee dooo...ok there we go, now its working, anyway I wanted to know if the party was at 8 or at 9. k call me back, thanks!"
No, I will not call you back. That does not require a phone call back, nor did your original question require a phone call. Thats getting a text that says "8" and thats it.
Slow, it's just bad, and its everywhere. If people got this idea of "slow is ok" out of their heads, I'm telling you, the world would be such a different place. I'm not saying we all need to rush, I am saying though, that we need to not be so damn slow. Nothing good comes of it, all it does is cause people to step on the back of your shoes, people to rear end you on the freeway, and you being late everywhere. Are any of those things good? NO. They are all bad, all bad.
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