Slow, its the enemy...

So, as you can see, the title of this blog is Candace in New York. I'd imagine this title would be much more appropriate had I still been living in New York, but honestly - tomAto, tomOto. Needless to say, I am NOT in New York, and now I'm back in sunny California. I have a great job that I love, I'm back near my family and friends, the weather is great, I have my car again...all is pretty much well, thank God. With the exception of a few small things...and thats really what my blog is about. The things that irritate the hell out of me (and probably you.) The things/people that the world would be a much better place without.

At first I thought, I could just post this stuff that annoys me on facebook, but then I realized - 1) that would make for SEVERAL updates daily (and that annoys everyone) and 2) it would probably make me a real debbie downer. SOOOOOOO, instead of updating my facebook 20 times a day and riling up everyone that sees my page, I figured, I'll just blog - and that way whoever wants to participate in my rage is totally free to do so of their own free will.


Now dont get me wrong. I dont hate life, I'm not at all miserable, I love to laugh, dance, have a great time...but sometimes, there are just some things (in my case, several thousand) that really get under your skin and irritate the crap out of you...and THAT, my friends, is what this blog is all about. I hope that this will give some insight into me, and maybe help you to understand that you too, should be irritated by these things. Just think, if we all came together, and everyone hated the same thing, imagine how much say we'd have in eliminating it??? Saddam Hussein, and the television show "Moment of truth" are just some simple examples of what we can get rid of if we all just join together.

My issue today is: Slow. Everything about slow bothers me. Internet being slow, people who talk slowly, people who move slowly, people who THINK slowly, etc. The internet being slow, I think I can admit, thats my own issue. I mean the internet is a great thing, it's not ALWAYS going to move at the speed of light, I get it. People, however, what is their deal? I must admit I've noticed this problem MUCH more having moved back to California. Living in NYC, people are on the move. Even if you don't have an appointment, somehow, you're still late. Everyone is on the go, on the move, no time to stop and chat, no time to smell the roses, no time to ask/give directions. Theres no time people! You're tryin to jump on the crowded, smelly, "thats not my hand on my thigh" subway as soon as the doors open, forgetting that there is a completely empty train literally 3 minutes behind this train - WHY??? Because, it's rush hour, and what else do you do during that hour, if not rush??? A philosophy I wish everyone would adopt.

California, man is it a different pace out here. You've got people stopped in the middle of the road chit chatting, walking slowly, talking slowly. It's like COMON people! What are you trying to do to me??? It is my firm beleif, that in a pre-apocolyptic world, there is no reason under the Heavens, that I should ever be stopped on a freeway. I mean seriously, what is that??? If everyone is moving, all the time WHY IS THERE TRAFFIC??? I've read (in books, websites, etc - more than one place) that if there is not a traffic accident, traffic starts with 1 slow driver in every lane. SEE, SLOW PEOPLE AFFECT YOU TOO. Did you ever stop to think probably MOST of LA's traffic starts as a result of slow people? Honestly, now try telling me you dont hate slow too.

People who move slowly can really send me from 0 to rage in roughly 3.7 seconds. The guy walking slowly in front of you at the mall, people who move slowly getting dressed/ready, people who when you say "click file" take 45 minutes to find it - ITS RIGHT THERE. Seriously, no one has anywhere to be??? No one has anything to do??? Never have I expirienced this rage worse than when I was in Hawaii. I took a second, (actually my sister did - thanks Lynette) looked at my map, figured out where I was going. Had my money for the bus in hand and ready to go (as oppoosed to Lily lolly gag whos rummaging (slowly) through her purse as the bus doors open, and remain open now throwing the bus off schedule) then I get on the bus. Wait about 3 minutes before anything happens. At this point, im starting to sweat, breathing kind of heavy, generally just very uncomfortable. When I see 2 things very disturbing to me : 1) someone asking the bus driver for directions...and 2) the bus driver actually giving directions!!! Are we serious??? This is not the time people, its not the time! In a day and age where I can get directions on a map, my computer, cell phone, asking the bus driver with a bus full of people AS he's pulling away - is not the time!!! The person asking for directions wasnt even on the bus! He was just a random pedestrian asking for directions, just holding everyone and their mother up so he could figure out how to get to 1 of the 34 starbucks in the area toget his obviously DEcaf latte. I have to take a moment, I'm getting riled up just writing about it. It's the idea of slow, that slow is ok, that there are no time constraints...its so very upsetting to me. Slow is the enemy people, slow and steady wins the race, BS!!! FAST WINS THE RACE! The slow guy has NEVER won - EVER. In fact, he loses every single time.

Another great example of slow pushing me over the edge, are the people who have not gathered their thoughts and then start talking to you - what is that? A slow thinker, thats the worst kind. "Yeah, I just felt like, I duno - it was weird because like, I duno, it's hard to explain, it was just weird" Thank you for that. My life is much more enriched now having had this conversation of absolutely 0 benefit with you. Please, never speak to me again. Why is it difficult, to take a moment to yourself (prior to begining this dialogue), gather your thoughts and then complete your sentance: "Yeah, it was uncomfortable becuase he has a lazy eye, and so I could never tell if he was looking at me." See, very easy. If everyone just takes an extra second to pull it all together, it comes out quick, and easy, and everyone is happy. Or the voicemail message, that could easily be a text message, but instead you'll get the phone call with the long voicemail that essentially says nothing and takes forever to get through:

"Hi, its me (thats a whole other blog) just calling because um, *long pause* sorry, I'm trying to order something online and its saying my credit card security code is wrong, but its not wrong...dooo dee dooo...ok there we go, now its working, anyway I wanted to know if the party was at 8 or at 9. k call me back, thanks!"

No, I will not call you back. That does not require a phone call back, nor did your original question require a phone call. Thats getting a text that says "8" and thats it.

Slow, it's just bad, and its everywhere. If people got this idea of "slow is ok" out of their heads, I'm telling you, the world would be such a different place. I'm not saying we all need to rush, I am saying though, that we need to not be so damn slow. Nothing good comes of it, all it does is cause people to step on the back of your shoes, people to rear end you on the freeway, and you being late everywhere. Are any of those things good? NO. They are all bad, all bad.